Retired Dad moves 10 hours away from daughter, then demands she and her family travel to visit him, daughter refuses: ‘We have a 1.5-year-old who hates driving’

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jul 16, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

If your parents moved 10 hours away from you, would you make an effort to visit them, or would you expect them to come to you?

Many people have big plans for their retirement. They save money for luxurious vacations, buy a summer house somewhere near the beach, and take up a hobby they always wanted to try. And after decades of working tirelessly, they truly deserve it. They should enjoy the time they have left doing the things that make them most happy.

For many retired folks, the things that make them most happy revolve around spending time with their family. Visiting their kids, taking their grandchildren on fun adventures, that is what they look forward to most in their retirement. So they visit every chance they get, and babysit for free, and fund family vacations, all to spend more time with the people they love.

The problem with the retired dad below is that he wants to spend time with his family, yet he has no problem moving 10 hours away from them. So the "spending time together" plan cannot really happen if they are so far away from each other all the time.

You can claim that since he's retired, he can make the trip to his daughter and her family whenever he wants, and you would be correct, except that he doesn't want to. He wants her to come to him. He doesn't care that she has a job, three cats, and a 1.5-year-old baby; he expects her to pack everything up and come visit him when he demands.

She, on the other hand, knows he is being unreasonable. He is the one who moved, who's retired and doesn't have a job. So if he wants to see his family, he needs to come to them. The only question is - is he willing to do that?

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  • Retired dad driving his car.
    via Daniel Silva

    Retired dad driving his car.

    Subject is a model.

  • Dad moved 10 hours away and expects us to do the travelling. We have a 1,5 year old who hates driving.

    Dad and his SO decided to retire to the coast, ten hours away by car. So they are both retirees with all the time in the world.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • Yet, they expect me and my husband, with four jobs between us, to spend our vacation days, board our three cats, pack a car full of baby stuff and drive ten hours each way, while our young toddler wails her absolute little heart out in the much-hated car seat for 10 hours.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • Actually, a total of 20 hours out of our precious, rare- commodity, golden vacation days would be spent low-key torturing our toddler, and by extention, ourselves.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • We would have to spread the drive across two days each way just to survive. Which of course adds hotel costs.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • When he planned the move I told him "You'll be retiring. You'll have to come to us." He is now giving me surprised Picachu that my stance has not changed.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • What makes this worse is his indifference towards our daughter, his only grandchild. His social calendar is now apparently so full that he can't visit until November.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • He hasn't seen her since her birthday six months ago. So he will not be seeing his only granddaughter for most of her second year.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • I'm just heartbroken for her. She deserves better. Edit to add: I taught the baby how to drive in the womb, also I am going on about four hours of sleep so please excuse my writing.
    via schizophrenicmum
  • Young family enjoying their summer vacation.
    via Getty Images

    Young family enjoying their summer vacation.

    Subjects are models.

  • Johon 1985 Simple, don't make the baby drive!
    via Johon1985
  • Suspicious_Name_8313 She will have plenty of other adults to develop relationships with. You are missing the relationship you want your dad to have
    via Suspicious_Name_8313
  • with your child. Kiddo won't know the difference. Unless you enjoy visiting your dad at the coast, go elsewhere on vacation that is more reasonable travel wise.
    via Suspicious_Name_8313
  • NYC-WhWmn-ov50 "Dad: you moved away, not us. If you want to see us, you make the effort. I barely have time for my commute, much less a trip
    via NYC-WhWmn-ov50
  • to visit a selfish narcissistic old man with all the time in the world on his hands and no use to the world at large not to mention the money for it. When you want to see us, get a plane ticket and a hotel room."
    via NYC-WhWmn-ov50
  • OpportunityMother104 Your dad has zero interest in being an active grandparent. Don't waste your money, time and sanity to make him. If he won't put in effort, why should you.
    via OpportunityMother104
  • JMarchPineville Hmmm. I probably wouldn't even "want to" visit them.
    via JMarchPineville

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family drama baby kids mother driving parenting retired family summer vacation parents children Father vacation
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